Looking for the light in twilight...........

I have spent 17 nights this week at the twilight clinic.

And that's not even possible.

I am beyond sick of sickness.

I hate to say this is Kentucky's fault because we were never this sick in Vegas but....

This is Kentucky's fault because we were never this sick in Vegas.

The twilight clinic is a late night blessing.

It is well-run, the staff are polite and kind to my children, the chairs are semi-comfortable.

And I hate every minute I'm there.

I usually pull out my REI card while I'm there and hold it really close to my face.

(this is a coping mechanism I picked up some years ago in a labor/delivery class)

(it was useless in giving birth)

(it works quite well for never ending ear infections)

The couple on my card just happens to be traversing a mountain ridge

above a crystal clear lake

while the sun is rising between clouds of magnificent blue and purple.

The sun looks warm on their shoulders.

I'm pretty sure they are laughing.

I wonder what they are doing right now.

Because they sure as heck aren't at the twilight clinic.

I try to remember the last time I traversed anything.

Long nights can do that to a person.

Mess with their memory.

Motherhood can do that to a person.

Make it hard to remember who we were before we were their pillow/tissue.

I wonder now if I would even know how to be anything else.

They have become Me.

Sometimes I think that one sacrifice is all I have to bank on up above.

The willingness to give up the good for the better.

The oh so much better.

And it is a willingness, a choice. Because late at night, with my baby on my lap,

the most comforting words to hear are.....

"Gracie's mom?"

I stand up, and smile....."yes, that's me."