What I meant was..........

Dear Benjamin,
For as much as I talk sometimes I don't communicate very well.
Shocking that I actually wrote that right?
Don't hold me to it, it's not real paper.
But about yesterday....well let me be a little more clear.

When I went outside and layed on the trampoline and pouted for awhile after the kids went to bed, what I meant was "I'm disappointed."
You see Mothers day is such an emotionally loaded holiday, I think I just set my expectations so high. I expect my children to follow me around all day skipping sweetly and whispering sweet nothings in my ear, while periodically bursting into song about their love for me.
This did happen for about five min, until someone got their toe stepped on and someone else realized that even when Dad cooks you have to eat salad.
Then they were just children, regular, everyday, non-holiday children.
So the fetal position on the trampoline....that's what I meant.

And when you started jumping and I tried to jump higher than you, and I got really into trying to jump higher than you........well what I meant to say was "I really want you to tell me how good I am at jumping on the trampoline."
But instead you just laughed and stole my bounce. Did you think that was the game I wanted to play? it wasn't. I wanted to play the "compliment me" game.

And when it got really late and I wanted to stand behind you and pretend to be your arms while you poured Luke's medicine, and you didn't want to do that because it was late and you were tired and you needed to get to bed...but I did, because that's funny.
Well, what I meant by that was "tomorrow you have to leave and I miss you all week when you are at school because I love you and you make me happy."
You see Sunday nights make me panic because I feel Monday coming and I don't like when you have to leave and go to that part of your life that I'm not in.........because everything is better when you're around. You're still my favorite friend, and if I could, I would follow you around all day.
But see I don't say that because it sounds clingy, and well, I'm not clingy.
So instead I stand in front of you and do weird manikin poses so you can't go to bed.

And when you ask me what's wrong and I sigh and say nothing.
Well, what I mean is "everything"
but if you hug me and sit down and listen while I ramble, for just a min, then it really will be nothing.

So is that a little clearer?
Personally I thought it was all pretty obvious the first time, but here you go.
And men think women are hard to understand.