well, it happened.....

Today I sat and watched as the rain slowly turned to snow. One drop at a time, it was miraculously beautiful. The flakes are the size of dinner plates...ok maybe salad plates...or at least saucers. Basically they're big, and fluffy and gorgeous. Winter and I have such a complicated relationship. It's an intense love with no staying power. We are compatible for a short time before we start getting annoyed with each other. But then it goes and does something like this and shows up looking all beautiful and I can't help but stare....and smile and forgive it for making my life so miserable. Like I said, complicated.
This weekend I planned my garden. Winter was ugly and cold all weekend making my spring fantasies flourish. I yearned to dig my fingers into the soil, and when I say fingers I mean my whole face. I need to reconnect with the earth. A dear friend and I were talking on the phone awhile back about how lost we feel with this lack of connection. She told me it can particularly effect you when you live in a two story home because you can't ground yourself to the earth.....ie trying to meditate on the second floor. This is so true. Why? because I feel it. And because she said it, and this friend could sell me ice in a snow storm and I would buy it. Because she is wise, and knit into my heart and I adore her.

Luke feels it. He lives on the second floor and winter and the walls of our house are blocking his spirit in. He needs the earth, he needs to dig, he needs to observe life. This weekend he went out and dug a huge muddy hole in our yard and I couldn't bring myself to stop him. It was therapy. I get him.
Then today came and the world pulled out all the stops to remind me that it can do beauty like nothing else can. Even in winter. To everything there is a season. Snow flakes the size of my head are a nice peace offering. Their quiet presence brought peace to my restless winter soul.

This isn't what I sat down to write.
But words are hard when it comes to her.
I just love her.
She is a miracle.
A miracle like in the way those snowflakes can be created so perfectly,
so majestically,
that they take my breath away.
She is like that.
But deeper.

This weekend brought with it a milestone I have denied for months. If the calendar didn't say it was so I wouldn't believe it. I've done all I could to stop it. I try to swaddle her. I tell her she is a newborn. I only feed her first foods. It was all for naught. My baby turned one.
Grace symbolizes everything that is right with the world.
She is absolutely perfect.
I wish I could wear her like a scarf all day and just wrap her around my face.
We went around the room and asked the kids to say their favorite thing about Grace.
Luke said "mine is the way she feels. she feels like a baby seal."
Grace smiled at him.
Because Grace always smiles.
And because she loves him.
I love that about her.
She loves without reservation.
She was born to love.

Happy Birthday My baby.
My Brand New Little Baby.