heard it.
Felt it.
I must have been small.
All my life the trees have spoken to me.
I was born loving them.
I love them because they make me feel something.
People like things that make them feel.
A thousand conversations.
Hushed and sacred.
It begins the same way. Everytime.
Hushed and sacred.
It begins the same way. Everytime.
A rushing feeling.
Through my heart and into my ears.
A lump in my throat.
Breathing becomes harder.
There's usually tears.
"Hello, how are you?'
My answer is always the same.
"I didn't know until you asked."
And suddenly I have a million thoughts.
Things I want to ask.
Unresolved feelings.
Questionable motives.
Unmet validation.
Desire for goodness desperately out of reach.
We lay side by side on the earth.
Pushing our roots deeper.
Feeling the living breathing soil beneath us.
It is a quiet conversation.
Peaceful.
We never interrupt each other.
I close my eyes and pull the sunshine over me so that it covers both my feet and my head.
It resists but then gives way and covers me completely.
And then some.
Even more than I asked for.
I smile.
The leaves rustle.
We agree to meet again.
We hug like good friends do.
"Thank you" I say.
"Oh that isn't necessary"
"My mother would disagree" I laugh.
You never ignore a gift.
My grandmother was a tree talker.
We liked to wander together until we came to a spot that invited us to sit and stretch our legs.
Demanded it really.
She had a dancing laugh.
And a peaceful demeanor that brought the trees crowding around us, clamoring and excited.
We often talked through them.
To each other.
She smiled at me.
It made me feel worthy of the sacred moment we shared.
She was never rushed.
I loved her.
I love her forever.
Last week the trees stopped talking to me.
They ignored me.
The earth was silent.
My mind blank.
It was my fault.
There were too many other voices in my head.
Laziness on my part not weeding them out.
I had to turn them off.
Walk away.
Away into the woods.
It was a day of contradiction.
The air was warm and full of spring.
The ground was cold and snowy, buried in winter and unresponsive.
My feet quickly became cold and numb.
Through my heart and into my ears.
A lump in my throat.
Breathing becomes harder.
There's usually tears.
"Hello, how are you?'
My answer is always the same.
"I didn't know until you asked."
And suddenly I have a million thoughts.
Things I want to ask.
Unresolved feelings.
Questionable motives.
Unmet validation.
Desire for goodness desperately out of reach.
We lay side by side on the earth.
Pushing our roots deeper.
Feeling the living breathing soil beneath us.
It is a quiet conversation.
Peaceful.
We never interrupt each other.
I close my eyes and pull the sunshine over me so that it covers both my feet and my head.
It resists but then gives way and covers me completely.
And then some.
Even more than I asked for.
I smile.
The leaves rustle.
We agree to meet again.
We hug like good friends do.
"Thank you" I say.
"Oh that isn't necessary"
"My mother would disagree" I laugh.
You never ignore a gift.
My grandmother was a tree talker.
We liked to wander together until we came to a spot that invited us to sit and stretch our legs.
Demanded it really.
She had a dancing laugh.
And a peaceful demeanor that brought the trees crowding around us, clamoring and excited.
We often talked through them.
To each other.
She smiled at me.
It made me feel worthy of the sacred moment we shared.
She was never rushed.
I loved her.
I love her forever.
Last week the trees stopped talking to me.
They ignored me.
The earth was silent.
My mind blank.
It was my fault.
There were too many other voices in my head.
Laziness on my part not weeding them out.
I had to turn them off.
Walk away.
Away into the woods.
It was a day of contradiction.
The air was warm and full of spring.
The ground was cold and snowy, buried in winter and unresponsive.
My feet quickly became cold and numb.
(Why didn't I wear boots?)
But I didn't care because my heart finally wasn't.
It could feel again.
It was quiet and open.
And I could hear them.
They didn't even get mad at me.
Despite my superficial distraction with unnecessary relationships.
I came back to feel centered.
And instead of commenting on it, the earth gently pushed me upright.
And trees said "Hello, how are you?"
And I answered,
"I didn't even know until you asked."
But I didn't care because my heart finally wasn't.
It could feel again.
It was quiet and open.
And I could hear them.
They didn't even get mad at me.
Despite my superficial distraction with unnecessary relationships.
I came back to feel centered.
And instead of commenting on it, the earth gently pushed me upright.
And trees said "Hello, how are you?"
And I answered,
"I didn't even know until you asked."
6 comments:
I loved your last two posts. You have a gift, being humble and grateful are apart of charity too. Noticing magnificent trees, and people in our lives lets the sun, and the sun in, and it can change our hearts.
I mean and the Son in....
I long for trees also. Maybe it is a part of where we grew up because Matt does, too. In fact, that picture looks a lot like Lake Tahoe.
I love your descriptions and the way you tell your perspective on life. I do not have that talent whatsoever, so thanks for letting me read your posts.
You have got such writing talent my friend! I love reading your thoughts. xoxo
Sarah it is Lake Tahoe!! We actually live really close to pollock pines, just over the mountain in carson city! Not as pretty but better jobs ;) perk is I get to have Tahoe 15 min away in my backyard. I love the sierras! I have been trying to find you and figure out where you are and when you will be done. Will you be coming this way?? My email is carlysyndergaard@yahoo.com
I want to chat!
Sarah look down I sent you a message :)
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