Ah this month has been a month of frustrations, set-backs, bumps, lemons.
You get the picture.
Just lots of little things that have made life more complicated and less enjoyable.
Starting with losing all function in my right hand after a run in with a butter knife while preparing dinner.
A stupid mistake really.
And one that cost me hand surgery, more pain than I would have expected and 12 weeks of one handed living.
It seriously blows.
As for the rest of the month I just seem to be in the cross hairs of bad karma.
Nothing big. Just nothing going smoothly.
I pride myself on being a positive person. During every frustration I have tried to take a deep breath and play the gratitude game. Except when the nurse removed the stitches. ......that time I played the "whatever you do don't take the tweezers from her hand and stab her in the eye with them" game. I barely won that game.
The gratitude game is losing effectiveness. Luckily I have discovered another cure that works wonders. Every day I close my eyes and dance with my baby. We spin around the room, cheek to cheek, and whisper our worries to each other. And we ignore everyone else until we feel better.
Oh how I need him.
I need this baby.
The world needs babies.
He fills me.
Maybe because my other babies aren't babies anymore.
Somewhere along the line they started talking, walking and demanding things of me.
And though deep down it isn't, their love is conditional.
Their needs are immediate and their lives busily spinning around themselves.
They are wonderful, but they are children.
And my baby is a baby.
He isn't demanding, he emanates love from his unconditional pores and tender mercy...he sleeps through the night.
I need something in my life right now that takes nothing and just lays there and gives.
I need this baby.
He fills me.
Hopefully this bumpy road smooths out soon.
I know life is sometimes bumpy and that's ok.
Little bumps aren't tragedies, just nuisances.
I can deal with that.
Lessons are learned on bumpy roads.
Lessons like be grateful for your hands.......and butter knives aren't as innocent as they look.
And you can train your left hand to do many things.
Like write a blog post with one finger.
Oh look, it only took 3 hours.
'
4 comments:
Boo! I hope 2013 is better for you all. BTW, can you email your address? We would like to send you a christmas card. marnedblair@yahoo.com
Oh Carly I can't wait to see you in person!!!! That post just made me excited to have my baby realizing maybe that is exactly what I need too...to just dance around in circles and cuddle a little baby that can't talk back to me, etc. I am so glad you are enjoying it and I can't wait to meet him:)
I am impressed you wrote this blog! One hand and all! I've missed reading your blogs. I hope your pinky and hand is feeling a little better :)
Oh man...a butter knife? That's not cool. I'm glad that you have access to medical attention and that you can heal. I'm also glad that nurse has her eyes in tact.
I haven't blogged and I have both hands. I guess I really don't have excuses. You put me to shame.
What a cute, sweet boy you have. You are a wonderful mother. Keep trying the gratitude thing--I'm sure it is working more than you think.
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