My sister happened to mention to me during a recent phone call that my writing has been pretty non-existent. Sometimes that happens to me. Inspiration fails and my mind slips onto auto-pilot. Curiously this happens most often in relation to pregnancy. Auto-pilot. My brain shifts into survival mode and creativity not only takes a back seat but seems to just get out of the car all together. In my brains defense my body is pulling double over-time in the creating department.
Isn't that how life is?
Certain seasons we are just more of certain parts of ourselves than others.
Right now I am definitely more body and less brain.
And more boobs and less waist.
Seasons of life.
In the past I have viewed pregnancy as kind of an out of body experience, mostly because I feel the loss of certain parts of myself so keenly.
Now I think I better understand that those parts aren't lost they just have to shuffle to the back of the line and patiently let another part of yourself take center stage for awhile.
It's hard because you miss them.
They are part of you.
You feel a little less like yourself with them gone.
But it is just seasons.
Sometimes we are just more of some parts of ourselves than others.
I was thinking of this concept the other day as I sat on a big, grassy hill behind my house. The sun was shining and I was deep in the middle of an epic declaration of love to the beauty of spring when I saw someone riding a bike on the the lane below me. Inside me certain little parts of myself started clamoring for attention. neglected. "Patience" I told them, "I know you are still in there, I haven't forgotten you. But we are doing something pretty remarkable right now and it takes a little sacrifice from all of us."
Sometimes we just have to be more of some parts of ourselves than others.
It's a great life lesson, particularly I think for mothers, to recognize all the little parts that make us who we are and learn to organize them and shuffle them into line in the appropriate place. And at the appropriate season. Not to ever get rid of them, but to acknowledge them, validate them and above all discipline them well enough to know when it's their turn to be in the front of the line in our lives.
And when it's not.
And finally then, can we sit back and enjoy, and perhaps get to know a little better, the part of ourself that at that moment rightly demands our immediate attention.
And it only took me 5 pregnancies to figure this out.
Impressed?
6 comments:
Very much impressed Carly. I love everything about this post.
First, you are wy too nice to me! Thanks for your comment on my post!
Second, your kids are so dang cute! Love that pic! Now, where's a pic of you?! Let's document your cute pregnant self, shall we?!
Lastly, love this post! I so agree with you that it's a game of checks and balances when you're a mom! You are adorable!
Yes, I am impressed! It doesn't matter how long it takes us to get there - just so we get there! As long as we are always moving the the right direction - that's all that matters. Thanks for posting this - I'm 20 weeks pregnant & I REALLY needed to hear it!
I love how you just took all my thoughts without knowing them, made sense of them, and wrote a beautiful blog about it. Thanks :) I feel exactly this way right now, glad to know others feel this way to. Always love to read your blogs, glad you checked into your creative self for a bit, now go take a nap.
Nat, you really shouldn't be! thanks though friend.
Maryann, you are adorable and as soon as I find a day where all the stars align and I am showered and dressed I will take a picture. I promise. And I promise it will make you feel amazing about yourself!
Marti, hooray for you! that just makes me smile. what a lucky kid to get to come to your cute little family!
Megan, I'm glad I could get in your head, let's get together soon before school is out and I can hear your thoughts from your own mouth! I miss our chats
If it takes me 5 pregnancies to figure this one out I may never make it. Parts, chapters, seasons of life, I'm a believer in all of this. My whole self is just starting to really grasp this concept. It may take a good 20 yrs. Wonder what part of ourselves we'll be then? Keep those deep thoughts coming my dear cousin.
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